I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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