I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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