i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
