Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
