I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Randomize