Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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