ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
