Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
