Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Randomize