She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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