He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
