So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
