I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I believe in your delicious
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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