at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
