tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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