There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
