sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
