you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
