I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
