were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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