Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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