i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
