Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
