where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
