yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Randomize
