I look better un-naked...
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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