apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
