guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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