She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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