I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
