You're completely useless in the revolution.
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
