Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
