Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
