did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
