We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
