Having a random hookup so left but love u
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
