I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
