my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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