Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I'm bleeding and have questions
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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