dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
