but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
