I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
