Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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