Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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