i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
