To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Randomize
