He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Will exercising make me less horny?
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