I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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