splinters make it hard to masturbate
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
