Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
