Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
