I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
