Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Randomize
