he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
