Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
How external is "for external use only"?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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