She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
