smell my finger.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
her facebook's as public as her vagina
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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