Your face is a jimmy john
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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