my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I have aggressive nipples.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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