Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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