Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
