Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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