So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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