yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
