Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
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