I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
