i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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