I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
only if we run a train.
done.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
