I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
