He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
